When I was a kid, my dad on occasion, would fix dinner for my brother and I. One of his favorites, aside from canned tamales and chilli, was Spam. Regardless of what he prepared, we cried and begged our mom to protect us from his culinary disasters. Not only were these three ingredients my dad’s favorites, but he loved finding new ways to combine them to stretch the servings. Thankfully, we had a DOG!

Today, the word spam has a whole new meaning. No doubt, the first thought that will come to mind is the spam you fight each day in your inbox. We all love email and we love our computers, but I don’t know a single person who enjoys the unexpected doses of spam that we are forced to consume. On this very website, I get spammed daily! Not just in emails, I get spammed in the “comment” section of this site that thankfully, I control. Each day, I get invitations to buy drugs, improve my virility and join causes. Who actually purchases this stuff?  I even get invitations to view other sites that contain nude photos of everyone from grandmas to school girls.  ……anyway, I take my time each day, to sort through the rubbish so that I can find the meaningful comments of my readers to actually publish. No matter how I try to block it, delete it or ignore it, it just keeps coming.

So let’s define spam. In my world, spam is more than just what happens on my computer screen, it is any unwanted and/or unexpected intrusion into my day. Life is full of spam.

Every single day, each one of us gets spam that takes us off track from the meaningful and productive parts of our day. We are defenseless to try to avoid it because it is just a part of life. My spam today has consisted of sorting through emails, dealing with a clients with unexpected needs, finding a lost file, schedule changes, kids needs, air conditioner maintenance at my office, changing the ink in my printer in the middle of a print job and a walk in solicitor………………its only noon! Even though many of these things are important, the timing of when they occurred was interrupting to my daily flow and routine. They happen without my input but they drain MY time.

This article is not intended to make you feel bad nor a serve as a place for me to vent my frustration but rather it is a place for me to see if I can solve the problem. Since I can’t stop or control the spam of life, I must embrace it. When I look back over my days to evaluate how I let spam impact my life, I find that I accomplish the things that are most important to me and I allow the spam to keep me from the things that I’d really rather not do anyway. Things like exercising or calling the bug man (to get the carpenter ants out of the wall in my bathroom so I can stop wiping away sawdust) or cleaning out my closet. I don’t enjoy those tasks so if I’m honest, I have to admit that I allow the spam monster to help me avoid them.

Last week, I finally cleaned my closet. Now to you, that may seem like no big deal. But I have allowed the spam monster to keep me from doing that task for 17 months! It was a mess! I had clothes that hadn’t been worn since shoulder pads were in style and I found things on shelves or in cubbies that I forgot I had. I couldn’t even see them much less use them. It took a trip to the Container Store and the better part of a day, but finally, I made the task a priority and no spam in the world interfered until I got the job done!

Now don’t get me wrong, there are lots of things that spam keeps me from that I really want and need to do but more often than not, if I look closely, I tend to put off the same things over and over when my time is zapped with distractions. The solution for me is to turn off my phone, walk away from my email and make a LIST! My husband is a PRO list maker. He is so efficient at his list making that he very seldom drops a ball. He became a list maker because of the spam in his life. He has so many hats to wear, that he’s learned to compensate by carefully tracking tasks each day. Of course, today’s spam is on tomorrow’s list, but if we are to learn to juggle all the balls that we all juggle these days, there is no way around it……..we must get organized, prioritize and make a list!

Ask yourself how many times a day you get spammed? Do you have a metaphorical “closet” in your life like mine? Do you carry around a dinosaur-sized task that you just dread and keep putting off? Do you often feel you started the day out with an agenda and never got it completed?

Start today………write them all down. Figure out the tasks that reoccur and start on your list! Don’t feel alone! We all struggle with this problem of spam! My list of daunting tasks range from working out, printing and reviewing my free credit report, writing articles for this site and cleaning my closet! Dealing with these tasks is never fun, but on the other side (speaking as a woman with a magnificently clean closet) it feels great! Today I can tell you that my gym bag is packed and in my car (a step closer to the gym than yesterday), my reports are printed, I’m about to publish this article and the bug guy comes on Saturday! I will not be ruled by SPAM! For now, I am reformed!

Will you join me?

Send me some of your great suggestions by clicking “comment” and I promise to sort through my spam file to publish them! Promise!

Here’s a question that creates a lot of different reactions!  Are feelings a choice?  Think about the last time you were really angry.  How did you behave? Did you pout? Did you throw something? Did you punish the person you were upset with by ignoring them? What do you do with your feelings? This isn’t only about anger but about all normal human feelings.

After years of debate, I have come to the conclusion that we do NOT choose our feelings.  What we choose is our reaction to our feelings.  If I’m angry because someone takes something that belongs to me, I don’t have to choose anger, it just comes.  If someone I love moves away; I may feel lonely without them whether I want to or not. I will miss them and I can’t control that. How I express my feelings is another matter. I not only CAN choose how I respond, but should do so slowly and carefully.

I used to tell my kids and even my employees to imagine that they have a file drawer full of cards that were filed by FEELINGS.  If you flip to the section on Anger, you will find many cards to choose from. On the front of each card is a possible reaction to the feeling of Anger while the back of the card contained the consequence for the reaction. Imagine that you pull out a few cards to read and on them, you find some of these choices: 

• Find the person who hurt me and settle it myself.
  
• Get revenge.
  
• Tell everyone how I was wronged.
  
• Let it go.
  
• Take it out on my family.
  
• Blame someone else.
  
• Ignore it.
  

If those were real choices, which would you say you might take if you were angry? Now imagine taking those possible reactions. What do you think the consequence might be for them? Let’s assume someone steals something from you and decide to get revenge. What bad consequences might you face? You can apply the same principle to all “feelings”. You aren’t a victim of your feelings unless you make a choice to be. Sadly, many people go through life reacting to their emotions without stopping to think of the consequences.

It’s not always easy to choose correctly when we’re overwhelmed with feelings, but we do in fact have the ability to choose our reaction if only we slow down long enough to process the options.  Can you imagine what would happen to the crime statistics if people would learn to CHOOSE their reaction to their feelings rather than letting feelings dictate their actions?   Road rage, child abuse and murders might all be a thing of the past if only we could pause and choose our reactions.

Here are some examples you might have heard about.

When Amber Hagerman was murdered, there is no doubt her family grieved and experienced anger. In the course of their outrage, they channeled their energy into making sure no other parent suffered the same loss. They became activists and created what we now know as “The Amber Alert”.

John Walsh became involved in fighting crime after his 6-year-old son, Adam, was murdered in 1981. He created the concept for a show that has been on television now for more than 15 years and has aided law enforcement in capturing thousands of criminals nationwide. It’s called “America’s Most Wanted”.

Here is another story and I will let you draw the conclusion on this one; the Goldman Family waited for years to get satisfaction against OJ Simpson for the murder of their beloved Ron. Perhaps you recently saw them on television when he was arrested and tried. In contrast to the example of the Walsh’ and Hagerman’s, how do you think the Goldman’s did in converting their anger into something positive?

So what about you? Do you slow down long enough to think about your reactions or do you blow up when things don’t work out like you want?  When you feel sad, do you shut down? When you’re fearful, do you avoid things? Are you reactive or are you someone who “thinks” about your actions. Would you like having yourself as a spouse? A Parent? A boss? Do your reactions sometimes violate your own values? If you can control your reactions in certain settings and with certain people, you can control them all. It is a choice. If you are a walking breathing knee-jerk reaction always blowing up, shutting down or acting out, then you are emotionally immature and you can’t change it until you acknowledge it. There is no easy answer and you won’t always get it right, but if you begin to pay attention to how you react to your feelings, you can change your life and your relationships. Be quick to forgive, and slow to blow up. Take a breath, open the file cabinet in your mind and make an educated and calm choice about your reaction to your feelings. Drama queens and kings may like the attention they get by having volatile reactions but if you’re looking for a way to make your life drama-free, give it a try!

I’ve had so many calls and emails from you all wishing us well and praying for us. As many of you know, John’s father, after a courageous fight to recover from two surgeries, finally passed away on February 1. Needless to say, my articles came to a halt around New Years because we stayed at his side and writing was just not possible from the hospital. He went in for a simple, voluntary surgery but unfortunately suffered a mild heart attack that resulted in a quadruple bypass and ultimately pneumonia.

I mentioned in my last entry that I would write next about setting goals in the New Year but now I look at the calendar and realize we are half way through Q1 of 2009! Hopefully, most of you are well into your goals for the year. I’m a firm believer in setting out to improve myself and I don’t do resolutions, because they don’t work. Instead, I have found that by setting annual goals, I can focus on positive changes in my life. When I don’t plan to grow, I usually don’t. So, rather than talk about setting goals, I want to share some things I’ve learned in the past two months because I feel they are going to help me reach my goals. Perhaps they will help you too.

My father in law’s name was also John but the family calls him Sam. Because I adored Sam, it’s easy to look back at all the things he meant to me, but I learned some things from him that have really reinforced who I want to be and what I want my life to be about.

He demonstrated:

1. Purpose – Living life to the fullest. The first thing I learned from Sam came when he wanted to have a knee replacement. He was having pain in his leg and it was limiting his activity. My father in law was very active in Texas Baptist Men which is a huge National organization that aids the victims of crisis’ like hurricanes, tornadoes or floods. He LOVED serving others. He was not only willing but eager to undergo surgery so that he could serve more.
   
2. Charity – Is more than throwing old clothes in the donation bin. I learned what it means to believe that even the smallest, weakest or poorest members of our society deserve the same as the strongest. In fact, the strongest have a responsibility to help others. My father in law LOVED helping people who wanted to help themselves and who needed a hand from someone who cared. He gave of his time, talents and money to be sure they got that hand.
   
3. Humility – Always being surprised at what God can do with our inadequate selves. My father in law was the most humble man I know. He was always somehow surprised that he could make a difference. He was humbled at how God would use him simply because he was willing to be used. He was a quiet man who had to work HARD at stepping outside his own insecurities so that he could do something awesome! But he did.
   
4. Tenacity – Never making excuses and never quitting when times are tough. When my father in law began having compounded medical problems, he never quit fighting. Over the two months that he was hospitalized, he would tell us he had to get home because he had another trip planned to some area of the country that needed help. He was adamant that God wasn’t done with him yet. He fought every step of the way and never once had a “poor me” attitude. He was funny, playful and though I have no doubt that he was scared at times, he was confident that he would fully recover.
   
5. Selflessness – Putting aside my own problems. In 2005, my mother in law passed away. My father in law missed her so much that I know there were days he struggled to motivate himself to do anything! But he did! He seemed to understand that life brought struggles so that we would have to overcome. As human’s we only grow when we have to overcome something that pushes us to our limits. Whether he was sad, lonely, sick or in pain, he pushed himself to get up and keep giving.
   

John and I have talked about what a JOY it has been to serve dad and to be at his side for this long 2 months. Interestingly, we didn’t love it in the moment, we wanted him to recover and come home. We wanted to get life back to normal. We wanted to sleep at home in our own bed and we wanted him there recovering under our roof. We hated that he was sick and we felt powerless to help some days.

Which brings me to the last lesson I learned from Sam………It is this. Only when the storm passed could we look back and see what a gift we were given these past weeks. We had a chance to love Dad, talk to him and have every conversation we’d ever put off. He left this world with no regrets. It’s hard to see God’s purpose when the storm is raging, but if we will persevere, the rainbow on the other side is beautiful. He had an amazing attitude about life and though he had problems and struggles, as we all do,
he had learned to take action regardless of what he “felt” at the time. Though I miss him terribly I will not forget the lessons that I learned or the gift I received in serving him these past few weeks.

When your goals seem too difficult, when you want to quit or give up, I hope you’ll look back at these lessons from Sam. I hope you will learn to take action regardless of what you’re feeling and I hope you won’t give up when it seems that the storms are just too hard to face.

This is my final post of 2008!

As I close out this year, I am most thankful for my family. As many of you know, my father in law has been in the hospital for most of December. He really gave us a scare.   I praise God for answered prayers and am hopeful that he will be home with us soon to finish his recovery. I am thankful for my husband and am thankful that God brought us together. We’ve had a tough month and I would appreciate your continued prayers for our family. I am grateful for our kids and my parents and all of our extended family and friends.

I am thankful that my friend Garry is recovering and doing so well! I am thankful for my dear friend Elisa who has been a great support to me this month. I am thankful for my husband’s business and my own. I am thankful for the lovely home God has given us that is almost completely unpacked now. (I still have a few boxes I need to deal with)

I am thankful that God has allowed a broken down, failure ridden girl, to be part of a seminar that helps make others stronger. I am thankful that God hasn’t given up on me and that I am a work in progress. I am thankful that my failures do not define me and that God made a way to turn bad into good, wrong into right.

Next week, I will post an entry about goals. Be thinking about the areas of your life that you want grow. These are the 5 areas that I set goals in: spiritual life, health and fitness family, work and emotional /personal growth? What are the critical changes you need to make? Goals must be defined specifically and measureable. Not lofty and large. I’m already working on mine (including those boxes). Start jotting yours down.

I love this holiday! Chapter 2009 is about to begin!

I thank you all for reading!

Dana

Have you ever opened your heart, trusted someone and then felt the horrific sting of betrayal? Have you ever dropped a wall in hopes that the reason for the wall itself was somehow all wrong from the start? That’s the stuff dreams are made of after all. The hope of something we never thought would happen or perhaps had convinced ourselves wasn’t really possible. I’ve been there. I’ve had the hope that came with breaking down a wall while asking God to reinforce that I was right in doing so. I’ve pushed through fear and pain in order to trust again and I’ve felt the joy that came with being open and vulnerable. But I’ve also felt the sting associated with dropping defenses only to experience betrayal. It hurts when you step out on a limb and later wonder if you really just exposed yourself to someone who was unworthy of that gift in the first place.

I have a theory about walls? We build them to protect ourselves, when in fact, we get hurt anyway. Life happens whether we are open or hidden from the world. The difference in getting hurt with walls up, is that we suffer alone when we’re too guarded to let others in. We determine never to let ourselves be hurt again, but the truth is, that we continue to get hurt in the same way over and over until we learn what it is about ourselves that keeps us in the cycle. Have you allowed another person to rob you of your joy? Have you allowed someone else’s actions to stagnate your growth? Have you begun living your life fearful of trusting or taking a risk? Are you missing out on the greatest joy’s in life by being too cautious?

Being willing to be vulnerable and open is one side of the coin, but I want to flip that thought around now and take you from being the injured to the injurer. If you are the betrayer, rather than the betrayed, you need to look at yourself and your patterns. Do you find yourself hurting those you love over and over? Do you tend to repeat the same offenses and mistakes? Do you receive feedback from people about something negative they see in you only to reject it over and over? Do you listen to others? Do you trust God to change you or have you surrendered to your failures? Have you allowed your failures to define you?

If you have been given trust from another person, you need to know that it is a GIFT. Those who trust us find value in who we are and they take a risk to expose themselves to potential harm. Trust means they would rather risk having you in their life (potentially getting hurt), than not having you at all.

I’m writing this entry because the New Year is coming. A fresh start is just around the corner and it is never too late to make a change. Change is a decision, not a process. When you determine that you WILL accomplish a transformation in yourself, then you will succeed. You will not succeed until you make the decision! True change requires integrity. Integrity is doing what is right even when you don’t have to or even when no one is watching. You may fail on occasion but if you have integrity in your decision, then you will win even when minor setbacks occur.

A friend of mine recently included a definition of integrity on his blog. I loved it and have adopted it as my own it is:
Integrity - when our values control our emotions.
Put in simple terms, Integrity is living your life like it was a television show and God was in the audience.

If you don’t change aspects of yourself, when you know you should, then you lack integrity. Integrity requires that you be your best. Integrity seeks accountability. Integrity makes no excuses for failure. It does not whine or manipulate logic. Integrity insists upon self control. Integrity creates concern for how you treat others, mostly those who you love and who love you. Integrity always honors vows, commitments, promises and integrity gives value to your “word”. Integrity accepts nothing less than God would provide for you or expect of you. Do your values control your emotions? Do your values dictate your actions? Are you a stand up person or one who hurts others and yourself and then gets mad at “LIFE” (or God or others) for the outcome?

You may need to change some things like: health issues, diet, controlling temper, getting up on time, owning mistakes, demonstrating love to others, going to church or working hard at what your job . You may need to change more serious things like addictions, smoking, speeding, breaking the law, drugs, pornography or unfaithfulness to your spouse. Whatever the case, you must hold your success up to your own translation of Integrity and accept full responsibility for anything short of success. Success begins when you stop blaming your circumstances, and just “own” your actions. Life is hard and adversity will come, but integrity will always win out, if you possess it.

I LOVE New Years! It is my favorite holiday of the year because it always brings about a fresh start. I always have a feeling of turning a page and opening a new chapter. As you reflect this week on your life, what goals do you need to set? What changes do you need to make? If you can look back and see a lack of integrity running through your life and actions, then you must start there. You can puff your chest out and hold your head up and declare that you are a person of extreme integrity but your actions will speak the truth and you’re not fooling anyone but yourself. What are some things you need to change about your life so that you can become a person of integrity? It’s not a part-time deal. Integrity either is or isn’t. As you start looking at your goals for next year, start there!

This year, my husband coordinated with his father to spend the month of December with us so that he could have long awaited knee replacement surgery. We worked through the late summer and fall to get everything ready so that we could have a quiet December and my Father-in-law could have his new bionic knee put in. Surgery went great and within 3 days, he was sent home to recoup. Things were going well so I went out of town to hang out with my cousin and girlfriends for the weekend. When I returned on Sunday, my father in law began to take a turn for the worst. John and I took him to the hospital and he was readmitted with other heart and health issues that had gone undiscovered. Those issues have now resulted in a quadruple bypass.

Just a few weeks before that, a dear friend of ours had a triple bypass. His surgery too went fine and he was up rehabbing and suddenly something went wrong……the next day and had to be resuscitated.  He is now working through the additional rehabilitation needed to overcome both the surgery and issues created by the cardiac arrest.  He is working hard and doing well but his family was shocked at how dangerously close they came to losing him.

The week prior to that, another friend and employee of ours experienced sudden death in her family as the result of a car accident.  It was a shocking time for her and left a young girl without a daddy right at the start of the holiday season.

I’m writing about something we’ve all experienced in our lives and that is, the UNEXPECTED.  Life is unpredictable and full of surprises.  The picture I chose for this article depicts perfectly how unpredictability works.  We’re sitting back, calmly taking life in.  We never know when something will happen that will throw us off balance but we know eventually something will.  Most of us would like to control our lives and have it roll according to OUR plan.  It sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it?  John and I are both planners but no matter how much we plan, schedule or organize our lives, there is no way to anticipate what life will bring us or when.  When John’s dad took a turn for the worst, we were reminded of just how out of (our) control life really is.

Why does it take the unexpected to keep us centered? Well, my thought is that it is God’s way of reminding us who is really has control. It’s easy for us to think we have life by the tail and are responsible for all that happens but the truth is, GOD’S plan is the only thing that matters and we are part of a cosmic order that He alone controls.

I recently watched the movie, “Bruce Almighty” and while it’s humor is intended to make us laugh, its message made me think. Bruce decided that he could run things better than God so God gave him power and control to do just that. Soon, his head was swimming with prayers from people all over the world. When he made it rain in one place, he created a flood in another. Saving one person from death might result in the death of a patient waiting for a chance to live with the heart from a donor. Every good thing he did had a negative effect somewhere else. When he tried to make his life perfect, somehow, his good fortune resulted in someone else’s suffering. Bruce soon found out, being God wasn’t so easy.

Life is all about overcoming hardship and finding a way to grow from it.  How could we do that without loss? How can we help others who suffer if we ourselves lived in a perfectly controlled world?  I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without both my victories and tragedies.  If it were left up to us, who of us, would ever subject ourselves, family or friends to suffering?  None of us would.  Our protection and perfection would actually rob us of knowing great joy that comes only through experiencing some pain.

As people, we recognize the joy of surprises which is why we try to surprise one another when we celebrate. Christmas gifts are wrapped to create a surprise.  Marriage proposals, birthday parties or even the gender of a baby are all often held in great secrecy so that the surprise can be enjoyed when the time is right.  We love surprises, but we dislike the unexpected.  When the unexpected comes in the form of pain, loss or tragedy, it can often create anger at God.  We want him to bring the blessings, but we feel wounded and injured when we experience loss.

John and I are making a conscience effort to breath in every moment we have together with our family this season. We are pushing through exhaustion to relish the slightest joys in each day. We are not concerned with the holiday parties we’ve missed or the gifts we haven’t had a chance to buy. We recognize the true meaning of this season because the unexpected took us off balance and forced us to look at what was really important to us. I’m writing this entry to encourage those of you who like myself, are sleeping in hospital chairs or those who have experienced tragic loss.  I’m writing to those of you who are living in the unexpected circumstances of life.  My prayer for you is that whatever your facing you will take the time to cherish the moments of this season.  I pray you will know as we do, that God doesn’t make mistakes, His will is not punishment and we are always His precious children.

I remind myself each morning that as much as I love my husband, my kids, my family and my Father-in-law, God loves them more.  The simple small things that we so easily overlook when life is spinning perfectly are the very things that shape and mold our lives. Step outside your own family bubble this season and touch the life of someone who is living in the “unexpected”.  The smallest gestures mean the most.

                        My Daughter Kelsey and I at the same age

I’ve been going through a lot of family pictures lately trying to get many scanned and properly stored away in our home. This is one of the final “to do’s” since my marriage and merger that I haven’t finished yet, so I’m in photo-organization-mode. I found some great pictures that I sorted into a file called “Generations”. As I looked at them, I was struck by the amazing likenesses from one generation to the next. It’s truly striking in some cases……while in others, you’d just about swear that there was a mix up in the hospital! Where my children are concerned however, they look just like their father and I.

We all have families and family members who have molded and impacted our lives.  Some of us are lucky with wonderful parents and only the fondest memories.  Others have very painful memories and struggle to find anything good about their past.  The rest of us fall somewhere in between those two extremes and perhaps had families that simply did the best they could. There is no doubt that our family of origin makes an impact on who and what we become. 

I have been involved with The Boot Camp since its inception and have witnessed hundreds if not thousands of people who are well into adulthood yet still struggling to process their past.  Many are angry at their family or family members for some wrong that was done while others are oblivious to their relative’s influence in their lives at all.  A few days after my “likeness revelation”, I had to do some filming for a new concept (online drills) we’re doing on the Boot Camp site. The drill called “Generational Damage” got me thinking about how deeply we are impacted. (feel free to visit www.marriagebootcamp.com if you would like to try our drills)

The online version of tihs drill is based upon a live Boot Camp drill that we call “Mother – Father”.  This exercise takes the participants back to consider the feelings they have about their parents.  Many of them are somewhat surprised when they figure out that by not dealing with the issues they may have with their parents that they are passing on the same damage to their own children.  I’ve also had some people tell me that they can’t identify why they feel hurt about their parents because were wonderful. They never heard them argue when they were growing up and they were dependable. Even if you think your parents were great, examine what their shortcomings were. Were they sterile and too perfect? How has that molded you? Were your parents Ward and June Cleaver? How has that helped you be expressive and genuine in your life?

No matter what, almost everyone has made the statement at one time or another……”I’ll never be like my parents”. In the end, we become what we’ve learned….unless, and we take the time to break some cycles in our lives.

It’s impossible to deny the patterns that are repeated generationally in families. When was the last time you slowed down to really think about your parents and their influence on you? I’ve often said that I had every reason in the world to be really screwed up because of my Dad. But I learned over time and through a lot of hard work that rather than blaming anyone or anything for my circumstances, it would better serve me to face it, get mad about it, cry about it, laugh about it or whatever it took, but to let it go.

WARNING: When you deal with your feelings about your parents, you risk having no one else to blame! From that point on, it means that good or bad, you take full responsibility for the circumstances of your life. OUCH!  It’s not easy.  NO more blame game, no more being victim, no whining……….just taking responsibility, growing, changing if needed and moving on.

Are you willing to take that hard look at yourself and your past? Pull out some family photos when you have time and compare yourself to your parents at the same ages. Find the photo that reflects your happiest moment (usually at Christmastime) and then find the photo where you look like an angry 16 year old being forced to participate in some family event rather than going out with your friends. You know the one. Maybe you had to pose at Aunt Susie’s wedding or the one where your mom told an embarrassing story about you at the Thanksgiving table. Maybe yours was the one where you had to spend a summer with your Dad working at his auto shop or if you’re like me, it’s the 7^th grade school picture where I had to part my hair the way my Dad wanted me to and couldn’t wear makeup like all the other girls! (Big HUFF)  What was really going on in those pictures?

Many of us have had the experience of losing a loved one and know all too well the many things we wish we could have said to them or done with them.  Well did you know that you can forgive someone and never have to tell them that you did?   You can actually reflect forgiveness in the way you live.    It’s never too late to start.  How are you like each of your parents OR, how are you over compensating to avoid being like them?  If you’re married, how is your spouse like one of your parents?  How might you be carrying on their legacy whether good or bad? What will your kids say you did that hurt them when they are your age? 

I saw a quote the other day from an unknown author that said this:  “No matter what negative experiences or regrets you’ve had about your past, your future is SPOTLESS!”

During this season of celebration, most of you will spend time with your families. Whether they were wonderful or absent, they are YOUR family. Take some time to consider what you “feel” when your with your family. Consider how they’ve impacted you. Have you dealt with your past?

This has been the most beautiful Fall. The trees are turning, the sun is shining and the air is crisp. We’re entering a season that creates stress for most of us…….but when it passes the memories warm our hearts. Most years about this time, I dread the thought of climbing into the attic, decorating, cleaning, shopping and preparing…….but once it’s done, the feeling of the holidays and what they stand for, brings feelings like none other. There are already Christmas carols playing in most stores and no doubt by the weekend there will be Christmas trees on every corner. When it first hit me that it was already time to do the holiday thing again, I was unbelieving and not at all excited, but now, I’m really ready for a wonderful season of friends and celebration. I am in full blown gratitude as I write this entry!

Some of my blessings are:

• My wonderful husband John. This is our first Thanksgiving as a married couple so we’re very excited and eager to spend 4 days curled up watching ballgames and movies. I am blessed to be happy and in love with my husband. We have had an extremely difficult first year with our merger/marriage, attempting to get my house sold and the start up of my business. It’s not exactly the typical first year of bliss that most newlyweds experience but I can honestly say that we lived it, breathed it and shared every aspect of it together and we’re still standing! Now that it is behind us, I give thanks for a year of difficulty that made us stronger and ready to face whatever comes together. I love you baby!
• My children – Kelsey (25) and her husband Daron, Clint (19), Thomas (15) and Lawson (11) are the joys of my life. I’m so very proud of them all and I thank God for giving me such awesome children and for the blessings he’s shown them this year as well. With each passing year, I get more excited to see them evolve! I love you monkeys.
• My family: my parents, Art and Sherry, my father in law John, my sister in law Melissa and my niece and nephew Rachel and Marshall, my Grams, Aunts and Uncles, my cousins…….all of you; I love you all and thank God for you!
• My amazing friends. Lisa & Harv, Gina & Craig, Bonnie, Kris, Elisa & Keith, JoAnna, Katherine, Jennifer & Eric, Nancy and everyone in my book club. I love you guys! I was also able to reconnect with several old friends this year: Cheryl, Susan, Sissy, John, Marv and all my friends on Facebook; thanks so much for catching up! You’re awesome. I’m also thrilled to have made several new friends in 2008 and I can’t wait to get to know you all better next year!
• I am blessed with a wonderful ministry that allows me to help others find a better way to live and how to release the damage from their past. The Boot Camp is a blessing in my life because as I give, I grow. David, Jim, Kay, Emmett, Jeff and Trainers……….I love you all! Thank you for letting me be a part of something so awesome!
• My business is growing and ready to blossom in ‘09. David and Dace, I love you guys and can’t wait for us to blow it out next year!
• John’s Business – slowed down this year but is now getting back on track! Next year will be a record breaker….I just know it! Christi, Rocio, we love and appreciate all you do!
• Foundation Coaching – A big hug and thank you to all my coaching clients. You challenge me and inspire me to be my best! To all the other coaches, I thank you for the time you’ve spent with our clients this year! You’re awesome.

   

I am grateful for you all! Perhaps being a new wife has made me feel all warm and fuzzy this week because I feel so completely overwhelmed with my blessings. If I had a challenge to give to you for this week, it would be to truly connect to the blessings in your life. It’s so cliché to say “I’m blessed”. Do you KNOW that you’re blessed? Tell the people in your life that you love them and appreciate them. We are never promised another year, day or even hour………don’t waste a chance to tell someone you care!

Happy Thanksgiving!

How will the world be a better place when you’re gone?  Will your presence have made any impact at all? 

There is a program close to my heart called CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) and it makes a difference in the lives of children who are tangled up in the legal system as a result of a CPS investigation.  These are kids who have been the victims of abuse or neglect in some way and have typically been removed from their parents or caretakers while an investigation is underway. During the investigation, the State has one year, to determine the best outcome for the children. The kids are assigned a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) which means they have their own attorney. In addition to the GAL, there is a CPS worker, the parents attorney’s, the DA’s office and CASA all investigating the circumstances of the case. The children are placed either with a relative or a Foster home until the matter is resolved. As you can imagine, it can be traumatic for these confused children who in most cases, would rather endure abuse than be separated from the adults who represent their security. The CASA interacts with all these professionals to ensure the best course of action is ultimately determined.

I personally love the feeling of helping children who are helpless but if CASA isn’t your gig don’t just close this article and disregard.  It’s the theory of “Paying it Forward” and we can all do something to help regardless of how we do it.

We just finished a Presidential election. If you’re like me, elections can sometimes be frustrating when we as a society, are measured by our earnings and not much else. If we do nothing notable to be measured by, then we can’t very well blame the Government for finding an ambiguous way to do it.

If I ran for President, I would implement a way to measure people by their action (or inaction) in the world around them. I imagine it sort of the same way we monitor community service hours in the legal system.  In my ideal world, I’d want to know what each taxpayer was doing to contribute their time to meaningful programs and taxes would be set accordingly.   Can you imagine how much less tax our Government would need to collect if every citizen gave 10 hours a month to help others? 

Ok, so I’ll never run for President and perhaps I’m an eternal optimist but imagine what this Country (or the World) would be like if we all gave of our time willingly? It doesn’t matter how much money you earn, we all have the exact same number of hours in a day. Time may be the ONLY resource that every human on earth has equally on a daily basis regardless of their circumstances. Someone making minimum wage, or even someone who is unemployed can volunteer their time.

Now, I’m not tooting my own horn, but there is something inside me that makes it impossible for me to sit back and do nothing but throw money at a bell-ringing Santa during the holidays and then check “charitable contribution” off my list of to do’s.  I am proud to be a part of several nonprofit organizations and am even more proud to know that so many of my relatives, close friends and associates are like-minded in giving of themselves. I have the amazing good fortune of being surrounded by many people who selflessly give of themselves and who motivate me to want to do more…..but for each of them, I have other friends or acquaintances that do nothing.

Here is my challenge for 2009: I call it “10 in 9″

Imagine if every person in this country over the age of 18 (kids can make a difference too) gave 10 hours a month in 2009 (10 in 9) to a nonprofit of their choice, whether it was for the benefit of children, those with disabilities, veterans, the homeless, animals or the environment. Wouldn’t this Country be in an amazing position?  That is a mere 120 out of 8760 possible hours each year. If you think I’m nuts, ask yourself this…….would you take my challenge if it meant you got a big fat tax break? If you answered yes, then you really should look at your motives. We’re all a part of this awesome Country and if we want to make it different, we have to step up, with or without a tax break!

Will you take the challenge and find a place to volunteer 10 hours per month next year?  If you start your research now and find a place that fits your skills, you can easily hit the ground running by January 1, 2009! You will be amazed at how much you’ll get from giving. You’ll get to know a lot of wonderful new friends, you’ll grow tremendously as a person and you will make the lives of others better. If 10 hours sounds tough, start out as a family and share a volunteer job. Then you can build up from there.

Challenge your friends, your co-workers and even your kids to get involved and start giving of themselves. Check with your employer to see if they do some type of matching or if they offer comp time for you to participate in nonprofit work. Be the leader in your company, neighborhood or church and teach your children what it means to give. Challenge your friends and family to take the “10 IN 9″ challenge!

www.volunteermatch.org

www.voatx.org

www.volunteernorthtexas.org

www.indeed.com/q-Community-Volunteer-l-Dallas-Texas-jobs.html

One of the things I was born to do is write. Years ago, I took the plunge and started writing books that I was burning to put on paper. One was a story about my life and the painful journey through my 30’s. The other was a series of daily drills to help readers change and improve their lives. In addition, I wrote a series of children’s books that were inspired by my work with CASA (watch for a coming article on CASA) where I acted as an advocate for children who were caught up in the legal system as a result of abuse or neglect by their parents. I did some research, studied the art of writing and set out to reach this goal that I’d always put off. All of my work was finally coming out on paper and I was so proud of myself…………then……my home was burglarized and my computer was stolen. My files were not backed up.

I lost all of my hard work and with that, my motivation to write was gone. Though I still longed to put my stories on paper, I repressed and rejected the desire because I felt so violated by the loss. That was about 6 years ago and it’s been hard to regroup because it was like losing a part of me. It was my heart written on paper. It’s human nature to put off things we know we should do. It’s even our nature to put off things that would actually benefit us like exercise, overdue doctor visits, spring cleaning or even writing a Will. It’s so much easier to avoid than follow through.

My husband John owns a State Farm Insurance Agency. He comes home day after day telling me stories about his clients and the circumstances they find themselves in because they waited too long to get insurance. He had a client last week who needed long term care but put it off until one diagnosis made it so expensive he could no longer afford it.  John witnesses ’avoidance in action’ each time he hears a client say ”maybe next year”.  Sadly, he has also held the hand of a spouse who is grieving the loss of their partner and had to tell them that they never got the coverage they needed.

What is it about us that causes us to delay the things we know we should do? I pushed aside writing when I knew it was something I was created to do. I made every excuse not to start a book because it seemed so unattainable. The cartoon at the top of this article was me!  Some people procrastinate by nature but others delay doing important things because of fear.  I am certain that the fear of failure is what held me back for so long.  I mean, after all, what if I wrote a book and no one wanted to publish it? What if I believed it was something I was meant to do and then I STUNK at it?

Well, what if it did? I’ve learned through my journey of life, that everything happens for a reason.  So what if I wrote a stinky book?  Do you know how many times Einstein, the Wright Brothers and Alexander Graham Bell, to name a few, failed?  What if they’d given up?  Perhaps they learned that failure was an integral part of growth and a needed ingredient for the recipe of ‘great success’? What do we have to lose to step out and try? I’m speaking to myself of course.

I’m writing this today for myself as much as I am to inspire others. I’ve taken steps to get my creative juices flowing again. This Blog for example, has given me the motivation I needed to start writing again. It’s a new medium, but it feels great!  You, my subscribers, have encouraged me with your comments and emails telling me you enjoy this site. I recently determined that I was ready to start from scratch with my books! They’ll be better this time! I’ve joined the area Writers Guild and am brushing up on my skills! I have also taken on a writing partner Elisa (www.strategicstones.com) who like me, knows that she has a book inside her just waiting to be born! We are blending our ideas and working on a project that will bring something new to the world of personal growth and self help. She motivates me, and I try to motivate her.

So, what keeps you from clearing off that monster “TO DO” list that hangs like a boat anchor around your neck? We’re nearing the end of another year and it will soon be time to ring in the new. Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. Will your next year look like the last one or are you going to change something?

Is it time to start saving for retirement? Is it time to get that Will updated? Is it time to buy life insurance? Is it time to clear out clutter in your attic? Is it time to get the medical checkup you’ve put off or start exercising? Is it time to reach for a personal goal that you know you need to conquer? Is it time to find a good counselor and work on you? Is it time to attend the Boot Camp after so many invitations? Is it time to go visit that relative who is aging or write that letter to an old friend? Is it time to say “I’m sorry” for a wrong you did long ago? Is it time to find a gym or to start taking the morning walk you think about but never do? What are the things you know you need and want to get done but keep putting off?

Time goes by so fast. If you’re like me, it seems to be moving by in dog years! You can arrive in 2009 feeling accomplished and purposeful or you can continue worrying about the things you know you need to get done. Will you grow old wondering “what if I’d only…”? Will you face your challenges and reach your goals or will you regret the wasted time when it’s too late? I’m not trying to be dramatic or scare you, but I am hoping to encourage you to command your life! Don’t let life wash over you! Make it happen! Next year will come and GO either way.

What are you waiting for?